Benjamin Button vs. the Yellow Lab

There are worse ways  to waste time than staring at Cate Blanchett and Brad Pitt for close to three hours, but the beauty of the two stars is about the best thing The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has going for it. Too long and too shallow, the movie comes off as a curious amalgam of Forrest Gump meets Titanic (or so says my wife).

I’m a huge fan of Forrest Gump. Hell, I’m a huge fan of sappy story lines, but the problem with Benjamin Button is that it’s all surface. No relationships are explored in depth, no emotional connections made with the characters. Opportunity after opportunity is passed up to explore loss, to probe deeper. Say what you will about Forrest Gump, but I think his relationship with Bubba is fucking touching. When Bubba got killed in the shit, it was all I could do not to cry. And there were times when I wondered if Forrest and Jenny would ever get together.

Dutch Left Kicks Multiculturalism to the Curb

Looks like certain lefties are finally realizing that it doesn’t quite work when only one side high-mindedly believes there’s no such thing as “us” against “them.” If the other side is saying, it’s “you against us,” you’d damn well better pay attention. As any first-grader who’s gotten the snot kicked out of him can tell you, the rules of Sesame Street only work on Sesame Street. The sooner grownups — politicians especially — realize that, the better for all involved.

Of course, this lesson came the hard way–after a few needless deaths at the hands of “immigrants,” who really saw no reason to give up the barbarism of their home countries. “Immigrants” is code for hardcore Islamists who insist on Sharia law, subjugating women, honor killings and violence toward anyone who criticizes them, all of which were to be understood and tolerated under old-school multiculturalism.

But no more. “Instead of reflexively offering tolerance with the expectation that things would work out in the long run, she said, the government strategy should be ‘bringing our values into confrontation with people who think otherwise.’”

Note that this isn’t a reactionary party, some xenophobic group of knuckle-draggers. These are members of the left, who’ve belatedly realized that what was under attack wasn’t some vague notion of multiculturalism, but the very liberal ideals they supposedly valued: freedom of religion, freedom of speech, gender equality, etc.

The paper just released states: “The mistake we can never repeat is stifling criticism of cultures and religions for reasons of tolerance.” It includes attacks on “self-victimization” and the grown-up notions that punishment for broken laws must be severe enough to actually deter crime.

Goodbye moral relativism. And good riddance.

The Difference Between Caroline Kennedy and Sarah Palin?

Palin’s actually run a few campaings and won a couple of elections. Um, you know, that, um, probably, you know, should count, um, for, you know, something, you know?

Giraffes Are Hilarious

The main reason I go back to Louisiana so often throughout the year is that I have a 10-year-old son who lives there. Spending Christmas with him is not only fun, it’s educational. For example, this past weekend I learned that this particular video will make him laugh so hard he’ll almost wet himself, fall off the couch and suffocate. Watching him laugh so hard, I almost wet myself.

Live, from Krotz Springs

Don’t have much to say other than that I saw a bald eagle outside of New Orleans our first day in town (no, that’s not some kind of dirty joke) and today I ate my weight in pork and crawfish. Just felt like chucking up a post because they finally ran DSL out here to the boonies. Hell, my dad and his family now have a DVR. I don’t even have a DVR.

Have a Scary, Scary Christmas

Dirty hippies:

Cheese Log!

At a wee gathering last night, I had the opportunity to sample the cheese log featured here. Good stuff. In general, if you want recipes for real Texas food, I’d say Homesick Texan is the place to start.

Have You No Sense of Shame Mr. Congressman?

I think we all know the answer to that question. While you build toys for your kids out pine cones and paper clips; while two out of the five people you know are now applying for positions as Walmart greeters because they’ve lost their jobs (and with an eye toward the sweet release of death by trampling); while taxpayer dollars are being doled out to Wall Street firms and union-ruined auto companies, Congress gave itself a pay raise. Guess with that average salary of $160,000-plus it’s just hard to make ends meet.

The Secret to a Good Meatball

I’m not going to pretend to be a master of spaghetti and meatballs, but a quick note to the folks who run the Classic Diner on Smith Street in Cobble Hills: meatballs taste better when they contain a secret ingredient I like to call … MEAT.

Wife and I went there last night after having a few drinks at the office of my literary agency. It was cold, rainy and upon exiting the Bergen Street stop, we thought a diner would be a nice, cheap choice. After having our wallets raped by (The New) St. Clair on the corner of Smith and Atlantic, we decided on Classic. Susan had been craving spaghetti and meatballs. Well, the meatballs consisted of two things: 95% bread crumbs and 5% apathy. The sauce made an expired jar of Prego seem like Grandma Scungilli’s ancient gourmet secret.

To quote Forrest Gump: “That’s all i got ta say about that.”

What Our Christmas Tree Looks Like

That right there is our fine looking Christmas tree. It’s a Frazier Fir of about five feet in height (should it go missing and I ask any of you to look for it). Note, too, that there’s a big Snoopy and a snowboarding dog shredding some pine-needle powder.