My Brother After Fighting a Fire

My brother Seth is the one kneeling down in full gear. Nothing like walking into a burning house when it’s already a katrillion degrees out. Here’s the story.

My Faith in Humanity Restored (Sort of)

(Via The Awl, which got it from here)

Seriously, More Rain?

No. Seriously. SERIOUSLY. Rain? Really? More Rain? Really? Seriously? No. No, no, no. Really? Seriously? More Rain? More?

Are you fucking kidding me?

#Michael Jackson and #Iran

Perhaps the media is making the Ayatollah’s point. Since the revolution in 1979, one of the main concerns of the theocracy in Iran has been America’s cultural imperialism. And while I don’t think any of us purposefully set out to dominate foreign cultures with American pop music, consider this. What does it look like to people fighting — and dying — for freedom in Iran that every single mainstream media outlet in the U.S. — and, yes, their audiences — have completely forgotten them to make a god out of a skin-bleaching bankrupt freak who had weird relationships with children and chimpanzees?

Yes, he gave us some brilliant music back in the 1980s. And yes, we are more than capable of holding two thoughts in our heads at the same time. There’s nothing wrong with putting on your red leather jacket with zippers, and your white socks, and your sparkly glove and curling up on the couch with that boom box you had as a kid. There’s nothing wrong with you driving around your town with the windows down playing “Man in the Mirror” to the point your windows rattle. And if you want to gather a few thousand of your prison buddies to re-enact Thriller, knock yourselves out.

But that our media, in the midst of Iranian revolution and nuclear bloviating from North Korea, has gone completely over to the death of a mentally unstable pop star doesn’t say much for our priorities. What are we gaining by having the anchor repeating the same clips and then throwing it to someone standing outside the house or the hospital who’s learned absolutely nothing new (well, I guess that is sort of like covering Iran or North Korea.)

Maybe the Iranians should get some money together to run ads during the Michael Jackson coverage. Or the Mark Sanford coverage. Or the Farah Fawcett coverage. Maybe that way they’d get our attention.

And you damn kids get off my lawn!

Ken Wheaton: Guest Bartender

Want ME to serve YOU drinks? Here is your chance!

We’ve got a group of Ad Age people here at work running for charity. Since I can’t run long distances anymore due to my bad back (and laziness), they found a fitting way for me to pitch in. Boozin’.

Wednesday July 8
Red Sky
East 29th Street (between Park and Madison)
6:30 to 9:00
UPSTAIRS BAR
I will be bartending between 6:30 and 7:30
Cost: $20 plus cost of drinks. (Hey, it’s for charity.)

So them’s the details. Twenty bucks will get you in and get you Happy Hour prices for the duration. It seems steep, but it’s for a good cause: The Leukemia and Lymphoma Society.

As far as my bartending skills go, I’m sure you will be crazy impressed with such signature cocktails as:

1. Beer in a bottle!
2. Beer in a can!!
3. Beer in a pint glass!!!
4. Whiskey poured over ice!!!

Best Explanation for Crop Circles Ever

Stoned wallabies. Seriously.

SYDNEY, Australia – Wallabies snacking in Tasmania’s legally grown opium poppy fields are getting “high as a kite” and hopping around in circles, trampling the crops, a state official said.

From MSNBC.

Seven Inches of Singaporean Beef

After writing this bit at work today, I’ve really got nothing left.

THE BUSINESS OF CLOWNING . . .

and MARKETING YOUR CLOWN:

These on line courses are pre-requisites for graduation and are conducted outside of the regular class time. Students are expected to complete both courses by March 31 of the year. Under the direction of the Headmaster, Robert F. Kreidler and staff, students will learn how to set-up their clown business, determine a fee structure, how to secure bookings, the optimal ways to advertize, discuss proven methods for selling and other issues essential for creating and running a profitable clown business.

I’ve got nothing to add.

First Reading for My First Novel Scheduled

So this afternoon I received an e-mail from my editor at Kensington Books asking me to confirm whether or not I’d be able to do a reading from “The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival” at the Southern Independent Booksellers Alliance show in Greenville, S.C., in September.

Um, let me think abou… Hell, yeah! I get to do a reading at a major Southern trade show three months before the book comes out? Most excellent.

Of course, once I agreed, the thought of public speaking got me nervous for something that’s not happening for months. Thankfully, this reading will be in the evening and I’ll presumably be able to knock back two drinks to steady the nerves.

I was in Greenville earlier this year for a conference that involved lots of brilliant people, lots of fancy food and racing BMWs at the BMW Performance Center. The one drawback to that trip was there was no time for barbecue. Not this time around!

Barbecue, booze and book-reading … from my own novel, no less … well, slap my ass and call me fanny. I don’t know if it gets much better than that.

George W. Bush on Iran Protests

George W. Bush talking about unrest in Iran in 2003:

I believe that some day freedom will prevail everywhere, because freedom is a powerful drive for people to… and it’s the beginnings of people expressing themselves toward a free Iran, which I think is positive.

Barack Obama on the current protests:

**crickets**

Well, that’s not exactly the case, but it’s close.

One of the things Obama has said is that whatever happens, there isn’t a hell of a lot of difference between Moussavi and Ahmadinejad. “Either way,” Mr. Obama said, the United States is “going to be dealing with an Iranian regime that has historically been hostile to the United States, that has caused some problems in the neighborhood and is pursuing nuclear weapons.”

Guess what? Obama’s right about that. Conservatives rant and rail about that all the time saying things like, “There’s no such thing as a ‘moderate’ in that part of the world.” (Of course that doesn’t stop them from hammering Obama for making the exact same point.)

But that doesn’t mean Obama gets to sit on the sidelines in silence and not voice support for a pro-democracy uprising in a theocratic state that considers the U.S. the Great Satan. And it certainly doesn’t mean he should be referring to violent oppression as “debate” and actually calling the true leaders of Iran, the “Supreme Leader.”

That stated reason for the silence is that he’s keeping his eye on the nuclear talks with the true powers in Iran. As much as I admire a bit of real politik, the truly delusional thing here is believing those talks are ever going to amount to anything other than a lake of glass somewhere in the Middle East — whether it be Israel, Iraq or Saudi Arabia.

We don’t have to bomb Iran. We don’t have to be bellicose. A statement of support from the United States would show that our government actually cares about the PEOPLE of Iran. God knows that Americans of all stripes–via Twitter and other media–are making that clear.

The thing is that if enough people keep bitching at him about it–even Hillary Clinton and Joe Biden are reported to be pushing him to take an actual stance–he probably will change his mind.

As someone said yesterday, “He’s trying to vote ‘present,’ but he can’t.”

He’s the president now, not a junior senator from Illinois. He should act like it.