A Few Words About My First Cruise

Smooth jazz equals smooth sailing.

I’ve just come back from my first cruise, a four-day out and back from Port Canaveral to the Bahamas with Susan, her brother and his wife, and Susan’s parents. (Note: By “cruise,” I mean spending time on a cruise ship. I’ve done Boston to the Dominican Republic by sail, but that was something entirely different.)

I thought surely I’d have to write something about the affair, but really there’s not a whole hell of a lot to say that wasn’t said by David Foster Wallace in his essay for Harper’s way back in 1996.

The key differences between his and my experience: 1) I didn’t go alone. 2) While I can see where he’s coming from, I don’t know that I experienced despair (and knowing what we know now about Wallace adds a whole new layer to his essay). 3) Most importantly, ours was no luxury cruise.

Early Acclaim for the Novel: Part 4

“You have to watch these Louisiana boys. They can drink you under the table, and some of them can write you under the table. Ken Wheaton can do both. He’s a wild one, and this is a sparkling debut.” — Luis Alberto Urrea, author of Into the Beautiful North

This particular blurb is 99.9% gold. (I’ll get to the 0.1% later.)

Woman Licked to Death by Dog

Just stick with this video. Hilarious.

The First Annual Bodacious Basinkeepers BBQ

No. I did not change the name of my novel from The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival to The First Annual Bodacious Basinkeepers BBQ. Rather, in a weird bit of coincidence, my good friend Toby Dore–the guy who set up the Facebook Group for my book–is actually part of a gang of guys trying to get their own first festival off the ground. The Basin Cleanup and BBQ will be held Sept. 26 from 6 to 12 p.m. at Whiskey River Landing.

Like I said to Toby, I wish he’d have told me about this. I could have used him for a little research instead of just making up all the details in my book!

I fully expect those of you who live in the area to get out there and go check this out. Invite your friends. Spread the Facebook group around. Go, man. Go.

And for those who don’t live in the area? Well, come a little closer. Let me talk to you about Louisiana festivals.

What Is Wrong With People? Movie Edition

So last night I went to see District 9 at the United Artist Court Street Stadium 12. If you’ve been to this theater, your probably already know where this is heading. This, after all, is the same theater where I’ve witnessed:

1) A family bring in a full Chinese takeout meal consisting of soup and noodles, which they slurped throughout the movie. Oh. The movie was “United 93.”
2) A woman bring in six kids under the age of 12 to watch “The Watchmen.”

Any rate, I thought I’d be safe. I was wrong.

Early Acclaim for the Novel: Part 3

How about a blurb comparing the book to bourbon? Would you like that?

“Warmed my chest faster than a double shot of Wild Turkey and kept me laughing through the night. This is a rollicking, wonderfully irreverent debut. It’s also a charming love story with a heart as big as Louisiana. I am a huge Ken Wheaton fan.” –Matthew Quick, author of The Silver Linings Playbook

You all recognize Matthew Quick’s name, right? Because when I told you earlier this summer to go out and buy his amazing book, you immediately did so. Right? (Well, if you didn’t, I suggest you do so now.)

So how did Matthew Quick come to get his grubby paws on a copy of The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival?

All You Ever Wanted to Know About Keyboard Cat

Hey, what’s up with that Keyboard Cat thing? Rocketboom has answers.

Here, Have a Cry Over John Hughes

I’m not one to get all boo-hoo-hoo and such over some celebrity dying, but damn if this blog post doesn’t get you all choked up on a Friday morning. Excuse me while I go look at some LOLcats to recover.

To compensate for my sensitivity and now that I’ve said something nice about him, try this … Count the number of nonwhite characters in John Hughes movies. Make it extra tough by NOT counting that one Asian kid.

One Bill to Rule Them All

Before Congress passes one more bill this year, the following should be signed into law:

No bill shall be voted into law without every member of Congress having read said bill.

And, yes, it’s that simple. I’m sure there will be those who claim I’m oversimplifying very complex matters, to which there is only one valid response: bullshit.

Early Anecdotal Field Research on a Book Cover

So Saturday afternoon, I stopped by Book Court to drop off an advance copy of The First Annual Grand Prairie Rabbit Festival. I practically live upstairs from the store and it’s known throughout the city as one of the finest independent book shops around. They’re shooting something from Eat, Pray, Love there this week. Lots of big-timers do readings at Book Court … and lots of little-timers, too. I did a reading there from The Subway Chronicles.

So I thought I’d stop in, say hi, drop off an advance copy and beg them to please stock the book. None of the folks who actually do book order were there, but I left a note in the book. (As luck would have it, my friend Peter Melman, who’s book The Landsman came out last year, a) worked at Book Court and b) lived in the exact same apartment I’m living in … so weird coincidence and all).

Anyway, after leaving said book with the counter person, I stood back while I waited for Susan. Counter person was then ringing up someone else, but had left the book on the counter. The someone else picked up the book and said, “Hey, what’s this? It looks interesting.” And then showed it to her friend. She then asked counter person if it was hers. And she said, “No, actually it’s his. He wrote it. But it’s not for sale yet.”

Sadly, all I could think to say was, “Yeah. That would be me. It’s on sale in December.” Ken Wheaton: Brilliant Salesman!

Gladly, I had the presence of mind not to blurt out in Book Court, “You can pre-order it on Amazon right now!” Not exactly the way to win over your friendly independent bookseller.

But, yeah, guess that cover illustration by Tim O’Brien is doing the trick.