Should Someone Just Buy Detroit?

According to this highly suspect figure in a Tribune piece, the average price of a home sold in Detroit last December was $7,500. That’s right $7,500, not $75,000.

Which got me to thinking. Why not just buy the whole damn city? Sure, I’d have to put up with the Grade A idiot class of politicians that wander the increasingly vacant streets of Detroit, but once I own the city, I’d could BE one of those Grade A idiots. (Okay, maybe I’d have to get indicted for something, first.)

I kid, I kid. I couldn’t afford the whole city. But here’s the thing. Assuming those prices were realistic and assuming the wife and I are planning to spend $500,000 or so on a 2-bedroom in Brooklyn (likely to be under 1,000 square feet), we could buy 66.6 houses in Detroit. And that’s not factoring in the ridiculous maintenance fees, property taxes and co-op board retards we’d have to deal with in Brooklyn. I’ve been looking for outdoor space. Hell, I could have 66 backyards. I could start my own company and, instead of renting or buying office space, I just move everyone there and give them a house! Or, assuming permission from my wife, I could go Mormon. Get me 65 more wives.

Ladies and gentleman, Welcome to Wheatonia. The official food is barbecue, the official drink bourbon. Enjoy it.


5 responses to “Should Someone Just Buy Detroit?

  1. The official food is barbecue, the official drink bourbon.
    I would happily live there.

  2. Nice concept.

    Points out the problem with human psychology: we all want to invest at the wrong time (at the height of a market) and then fear to invest at the right time (when you can snap up homes for $7,500 each). Theoretically I’m with you, but emotionally the Dow has me scared s-less and I’m stuffing what money I have left under the mattress.

    I’m only human.

  3. Yeah. But at the end of it, you’d be living in Detroit.

  4. Did you see the Times magazine this weekend? Which s-hole would you prefer? Detroit or Cleveland? Maybe the two cities will come up with a buy one/get one free deal! At least Detroit has some really good Greek food, or at least it used to…

  5. Pingback: Remember My Idea to Buy Detroit? « THE WORD O’ WHEATON

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