Death to All Flowers

It’s day four of my long national nightmare. There are no signs of relief. My head hurts more with each passing day. I sneeze–repeatedly. Overnight, I’ve developed a hacking cough. My eyes feel like they will pop out of my head.

A few years ago, when I went to a doctor telling her this cold or sinus infection was kicking my ass, she said, “Silly little man. You have allergies.”

“I never had them before,” I said.

“You do now,” she said.

So who do I blame? Old age or New York? Obviously, blaming either of those would be silly because a) I can’t go back and time and b) I’m sure as hell not moving anywhere else.

So that leaves me with one solution. And that isn’t medication. I haven’t found any that works yet. They all make me feel like I have allergy symptoms AND I’ve taken some lame-ass drug.

So, only thing to do is kill every bit of vegetation in New York. The flowers won’t be hard. But the trees? Hmmmm. Well, if you see a guy on the nightly news arrested for running around New York with a chain saw, you can tell all your friends you know me.

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5 responses to “Death to All Flowers

  1. I have used Singulair and it has been truly awesome. Others have been horrible – making me drowsy as heck. Have you tried it?

  2. As a life long seasonal allergy sufferer, I can attest that this year is one of the worst. I get weekly shots and take Zyrtec to get by.

  3. I live in Texas and it is AWFUL here, too!
    One of my friends whose allergies are as bad as mine is trying acupuncture. She was singing its praises at dinner last night as I was using every dry inch of my napkin to wipe my eyes!!
    And acupuncture might be less expensive than the fines for cutting down all the trees in NYC!

  4. Esmeralda,
    I’d rather spend the rest of my life in jail than face needles!

  5. But flowers are puhrty. And trees are tall. You should start with the killing of cats and puppies. They are the real threat!

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