Tag Archives: social media

Why Twitter Hearts Are Like Bull Nipples

twitterheartSo yesterday, I spent upwards of 45 minutes scheduling social-media posts to promote my novels. To say it’s not one of my favorite things to do is an understatement.

It’s boring and it also makes me feel cheap and desperate. “Please, please buy my books. Won’t someone please buy my books?!? They’re old but they’re still good!”

There are companies who provide these services. They charge money, of course. The money, however, isn’t the issue. It’s that these companies seem to be followed mostly by other desperate authors who number in the tens of thousands. And the social-media promotion these companies provide is basically: “Here’s a tweet of this author’s book and an off-center picture of the author and/or his book cover.” This tweet is immediately followed by similar tweets for about a hundred other authors. If I’m gonna get tied up with a pimp, I expect more than that. Continue reading

On the Unbearable Hysteria of Tech World

To the overwhelming majority of Americans, the words periscope and meerkat refer to periscopes and meerkats. In certain demographics, though, they’re Periscope and Meerkat and they’re going to change the way you experience reality! And because of that, every marketer should be rushing to Periscope and Meerkat immediately. Because there’s nothing people using a new service love more than a bunch of fucking commercials (sorry, native content) cluttering it up.

With a serious face, some people will actually let the following words come out of their mouths: C’mon Marketers! Why Aren’t You Periscoping Your Meerkat Sessions Yet? (The subtext is that marketers should be paying these people for their expert consulting. How someone becomes an expert on a one-month old technology is something they never explain.)

“It’s video. On your phone. So what?” you might say, if you were a rational human being, rather than an insane person carrying a sack stuffed with $1.5 million that you were going to hand to the first person you ran across at SXSW.

And then someone, either the insane guy with the $1.5 million in a sack or one of the people desperately hoping to run into him, would have said to you, “But it streams video, you see. Live video.”

Read the whole thing.